Drink Me, Lemonade Inc.
A fan’s request to his favorite insurance company.
Hi. Wow. First off, so honored to be here. Chatting. I mean, kinda. I’m doing all the talking. And you probably won’t ever taste this tiny slice of the internet pie. But I’m thirsty, and you’re so sweet, what with your whole charity, do-gooder vibe. Is that real? Are you real? I hope so. I’ve booked our wedding venue, and it’ll be a teensy-weensy bit embarrassing if you don’t show.
Sorry! I’m rambling. Happens when I get excited. You being, well, you. There’s a lot to be excited about. Like that upcoming car insurance. And your ridiculously attractive stock price. (Oh my gosh, I just can’t with you! You’re so sweet. And refreshingly honest.)
Speaking of honest, your blog is — can I say this? — it’s fire. Plain and simple. The pink really pops. Sooo different from all those other tired insurance companies out there. You were literally sued by T-Mobile for it. And you know what? Duck them. You're a flamingo in a sky full of pigeons. Continue to embrace it like you embrace ethical spending. (The way you donate excessive premiums to charity? Turns me on, to be frank. Remember when you took a stance on masking? Talk about hot and heavy!)
Whew. That’s all from me. Just wanna make sure you get the love and attention you deserve. You’re the quirkiest, most colorful, blatantly disruptive insurance company I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Here’s to never needing your services — cheers.
(Hey, pssst. I’m a subscriber. Loyal. Dedicated. Faithful. Will you sign my cat? He’s not insured yet, but by the gods, he will be.)
Your totally-not-thirsty fan,
XXOO.
P.S. Love the transparency. AI is spooky, and sometimes, I need a comfort blanket to hide under when the going gets rough, like that time you were blasted on Twitter for making racist AI. Honesty is hot. Enough said.
Disclaimer: This author is not married, betrothed, or otherwise to Lemonade Inc.
